The second niyama is called santosha, which is contentment. This is not about adapting an "it's all good" mentality in the type of way where you are trying to avoid discomfort or pain so just put on some optimism to not feel that which is confronting. This might be a fake it til you make it approach, but is not very lasting and real. This is also not a lack of action like a lazy contentment, but it's an art, or even a discipline. It is about discerning between what you can change and what you can't.

A wise teacher (I can't remember who now) told a group of people in a talk he was giving that his secret to happiness was..... and they all leaned in close to hear, and he said "I don't mind what happens next." This quote has stuck with me. It ties in deeply with the nature of impermanence, which is something we all know, but usually don't contemplate too deeply. Another person I know also had a wise quote, "accept and move on". It works for everything he said.

There is a tendency to be detached when you live those words all the time, in an uncaring and non compassionate way. But this sutra is more about practicing acceptance in a way that is engaging with reality, but detached from our egos grip of the outcomes.

Letting go of expectations helps us to react to things differently, especially when annoyed or angry. It is interesting to ask myself in a mood like that; well, what was I expecting right now? It's like when I get angry every night after putting my kids to bed and they never go to sleep on time and are always up annoying me. It's because I just expect them to fall asleep quicker and I'm holding onto the hope that I will get more "me" time. If I accept what's happening, I can be content even if the outcome hasn't changed. This shows up in injuries as well. The discomfort and pain is not welcome, because it's always inconvenient. But sometimes if I look at an injury as a learning opportunity to connect better with my body, then a type of acceptance happens. I don't feel happy that I have an injury, but I can be content knowing that it will pass and its an opportunity for something else to emerge out of it, like reading that book I keep neglecting. These might be simple examples in the face of real heavy pain and suffering, but I believe the same concepts must apply. It just takes more strength.

By truly accepting your body and also your life circumstances and experiences, then you don't feel the need to change, alter, or fix it, which is hugely freeing. It requires a willingness to go into and feel what you normally want to push away, and finding your way to acceptance through discomfort. Feeling through this voice of doubt, fear, negativity, and what another yoga teacher, Katie Brauer, calls "the itty bitty shitty committee", then we can make room for contentment. This inner turmoil is either a nagging legitimate thought or emotion that needs to be felt though and processed, or it's something you can detach from and put aside once you look at whats stopping you from being content. Like this feeling of "Oh, my whole day has been crap because of the car park I missed this morning." Once I see that clearly as the cause of discontent, it seems like I can just put that aside now. Deeper emotions might require more work than that, but it still is about the willingness to feel.

When feeling unsatisfied, or ungrateful, it's always the workings of the ego; identifying with a state you're in or a particular circumstance. The purpose of the ego is that so we have an individual experience as a human. But the problem is that our sense of "me" becomes defined by our experiences, possessions, fears and desires. I used to think I needed to get rid of my ego, and then finally, I will be okay. The biggest causes of suffering are said to be attachment and aversion, exactly what the ego latches onto. We live as if happiness, or contentment, is just around the corner, continuously out of reach. The mind becomes divided when we have expectations for the future, as if we are in two places at the same time, which is uncomfortable and makes you stay in a cycle of discontent. A man I was once walking past on the street must have seen my face of worries, and he stopped me and said "Hey, Happiness is free! Take it." Contentment isn't something that will happen one day once this and that first happens, but is always available, even amidst stress and worries because it boils down the ability to accept what is happening.

Reflect:

Could you make a small daily gratitude practice?

Who have you met that seems to be deeply content? How?

Use the phrase "How should it be right now?" in response to disappointment with reality in any given moment.